One Year Later...

One Year Later…

Looking back and reflecting on how far I have come in a year. It has been a year since I walked away. I can barely believe it. One year ago, my world came crashing down around me and the shit storm began. I was knocked down and I did not know how I was going to be back up. I was lost and lonely. I had been in with him for over seven years. I loved him with everything I had. I was willing to try. But he did not know how to try. I asked for him to meet me half way and he was unable. I have stopped questioning why. I blessed it all and let it go. I wish him happiness. I truly do. Some people still ask me how I am able to wish him the best and not hate him. I am not sure how I am able to do it. I just know that I have. I tried to hate him. But I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. Maybe it’s just the person that I am. I have let it go. Completely let it go.

I look back. I see the person that I am now. I look back to the person that I was. I don’t know who that girl is anymore. I look at myself and see strength and courage and grace and dignity and confidence. I have found steel in my spine. I discovered a love for myself that I never knew before.

I did a lot of work on my own in healing my heart and discovering who I am. But I had a ton of help and support and unconditional love from family and friends.

My mother and brothers have been fantastic…

My mother has always been my friend. She has always been there for me no matter what was going on. She helped me up and helped dust me off. She told me to hold my head high and that everything would be just fine. I believed her. And she was right. I knew when she spoke those words that one day things would work out.

My brother, Zac, and I have become closer than ever. I felt love from Sean and Kevin like never before. All of them reached out to their little sister. Revenge was plotted and laughs were shared. They have always been my protectors and in my time of need I welcomed their protective ways. I am so thankful for my brothers. They are truly wonderful men and I am lucky to be their little sister. I have always believed that every little girl needs a big brother. I was blessed with three. And I don’t know what I would if I did not have them in my life.

Friends reached out and helped a friend up. There’s nothing like a good cry on a friend’s shoulder or plotting revenge with that friend over a cold beer. I reconnected with old friends and those friends grew stronger than ever. I met new friends and I see those friendships continuing to grow.

I lived and learned through all of this. I believe that it all happened for a reason or many reasons. I don’t know what those reasons are. But it happened. I lived every moment of it. At times I thought I wouldn’t make it. But I refused to stay down.

I am continuing to live. I am living my way. At times it is loud and rowdy. And I like it. I embrace everyday. I still have my moment s when I question why… But those times don’t last long and they are getting fewer. I refused to stay down long. I feel hard but I got up with grace and dignity. And those two things, grace and dignity, continue to get me through everyday. I live my life with grace and dignity. I don’t have to live these days again. And I don’t have this moment live again. I have learned. I have loved. I have lost. And I will live. Live everyday. And live everyday with grace and dignity.